You Can’t Do It All For the Holidays

**Holiday Coping Tips**

We, as highly sensitive people are more motivated by avoiding negative experiences than we are by gaining positive experiences. Thus we can often end up doing anything to avoid other’s judging us.

Especially with Christmas approaching, we feel societal pressure to make everything perfect, the decorations, the food, keeping all the social commitments.

Then we become overstimulated, exhausted, grumpy and eventually, no good for anything

Think about it. What is the purpose of Christmas? I’m assuming most people will answer ‘To spend time with people you love’. Take your answer to this question and focus on that, and that alone. So, if spending time with your loved ones is important, you don’t want to be at the stove or serving while everyone else is relaxing with a drink. One solution, as a busy professor once told me is to ‘Throw money at it.” Order the food. Spend the time you’ve saved visiting with friends. If you don’t have the money, make the meal a family pot-luck.

Ask visitors to help with the serving and clean-up ‘You can’t do it all.’ Nor should you. Many of the expectations us highly sensitive people are feeling are not really the expectations of those around us. They are expectations that we’ve made for ourselves because of one time when someone made us feel embarrassed or ashamed of our lack of Christmas preparation.

Give the best gift you can. The gift of your calm, relaxed time!

Holiday Coping Tips

Think about why you are giving gifts. What values are you transmitting through the number and cost of the gifts you give? Are they in line with your personal values?

Take short breaks between tasks. For example, stop for an herbal tea while waiting for the cookies to bake. Write these breaks into your agenda so that you treat them exactly like a 'required task”.

Don't want to face the crowds? On-line shopping saves so much time, and you can arrange for the gifts to be wrapped and delivered

Whenever you are feeling like you need to take on more than you are able to or want to, say to yourself “Excessive Responsibility”. Due to our noticing of others’ negative emotions, we “want to make it all better” and take on the responsibility ourselves. We don’t need to. Think about whether you are taking on more than you need to in order to avoid conflict or judgement.

Get help! If you can afford it, buy some of the food instead of making it. Or make the meal a pot-luck. Some people belong to cookie exchanges, where they bake a large number of one type of cookie and exchange them for other types.

Have no expectations. If you expect others to act a certain way, you may be disappointed. Family traditions are nice to have, but people’s circumstances change. Not everyone may be able to do what they have always done. What does it mean to you to follow this tradition? Is it a sign of love, a sign of security, etc.?

If you are having trouble being flexible, think about why. Can you excuse what people are doing? Can you think of a reason they might want/feel they need to do things this way? Can you re-interpret the new way people are acting, without jumping to a negative conclusion?